Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Living in the dark has been more enlightening than ever…

I have been living in the "dark" for almost 4 weeks now… After 4 weeks of detoxing from society, I have learned a LOT about myself… It has been great just having me to talk to and not so great other times. Life in the dark has come to a screeching halt! I never realized how much I would learn about myself in such a short period. Now, with the simpler quiet life, I am left alone to face myself. My vices are GONE… Before, if I started thinking real deep and couldn't face "going there", I could ward it off… I could hop online and do some good blog reading (as much as I wanted, at the drop of a hat)… I could go take a long hot bath in my claw foot tub and ward off thoughts I might not be crazy about dealing with… I could quick run to the library or store to avoid what I knew needed much work… I could run to the local thrift shop with a cup of coffee to "veg" with... It was so fun to avoid reality...

But now dear friends, I am left alone… Well I do have the Lord, my dearest friend. He has been speaking to me LOUD and CLEARLY!!! VERY LOUD! I cannot "run" away… I have nowhere to go but to deal with what I have been putting off for years. I must go to my Lord with these issues I have not wanted to see or deal with. This silence of the simple life can be deafening at times as I am left to face all the dark things about myself… Relationships that I have known were not healthy have been forced to be reckoned with. Seeing myself from others eyes (OUCH)… All my short comings as a wife, mother and woman… It really has been ugly… Mind you, I have been dealing with it all "inside"in my head, but I feel that this resounding noise going on inside must be felt by others as they see me, pass me by or interact with me. This NOISE is oozing out of me whether I want it to or not… It has affected all... I have learned so much about me…

What am I saying by all this? I NEVER would have thought living without electricity would have brought me to "this" place. Living without electricity has been easy… Facing me has not been. I am so very thankful that God is using this time to refine me to His perfect will… I am so indebted to HIM by his GRACE and HIS mercies are NEW every morning… THANK YOU JESUS! I wonder what else is looming down the pipe for me. I want ALL God has for me and I want to hear HIM and I have enjoyed his voice talking and dialoguing with me even when it has been one of the hardest journeysI have had to learn about myself yet

9 comments:

Peggy said...

Through you God is waking the rest of us to his voice. Thank you

Pink Slippers said...

You are a blessed woman for these things opening up to you. So many are decieved and in the dark. And unhappy.

Lea of Farmhouse Blessings said...

Thank you for reminding ME that I need to "Be still and know Him better."

Farmgirl Cyn said...

Dearest friend...MANY of us are seeing things we have not see before...and it has not been pretty. Thank you for being so transparent.

Kim said...

When we get quiet then we can hear His still small voice talking to us.

I find that my sin screams at me and I don't like it one bit.

Thanks for your honesty and reminding me to be quiet.

Kim

homeskoolmommy said...

Thanks for you comment on my page. You may copy or link to anything your heart desires on there. Make yourself at home :) I am very excited to find your blog. Looks like quite an adventure you're living. Gotta busy day today, but I will be back soon to pour over your posts and soak it all in. I hope you don't mind that I added you to my blog roll? Many blessings!

Martie said...

Our recent move has done the same for me - only we still have lights! LOL

I am loving reading of your adventure - you have inspired me. Our move has been most difficult for me - in that we are starting a 'new' life and new ministry - so there is so much that is different. We also have had a new addition thrown into the mix. When I read your blog - I know that I am not alone. Thanks so much for sharing.

Blessings,
~Martie

Kim said...

Thank you again Angie. The gifts are beautiful. I am going to post a picture of them on my (not so updated) blog so everyone can see if they want. :) Then I'll have some action their.
http://ifwallscouldtalk-kim.blogspot.com/

Homemakersheart said...

Hugs to you Ang. I know the journey can't be easy. I will be praying for you and remember...our strength can only come in the Lord. He would never lead you there if you couldn't handle it. The other side will be grander that you can imagine. Trust in Him, He is ALWAYS faithful to those who reach for Him.

God's peace,
Dee

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