Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm not going to lie to you... in where she does a post on "In Memory of the Palace"...

During times like these... I wonder... "Did I really live HERE???"And then I think... Yes and I did and then I have a small inkling to go "back" to our old life...
Of course I know that is not possible... I'm just sayin' "I WANT TO"!
Ok... just relax... in the scope of reality I really don't want it that bad...
We have found so much freedom in the things we have left behind...
But with a broken leg, beds in the living room now like a scene from the original Willy Wonka movie (minus the candy), backed up laundry for 2 weeks due to PTST (post traumatic stress syndrome)
a flat tire on the van...
a long and cold week here with negative temperatures...
I am just remembering where I came from per se'...
Would these events have been easier to deal with these past few weeks? Better yet, would they even of happened???
They might not have happened but many other things could have happened if we stayed too... Many things...
So I am trying to not think of the "what-ifs" either way...
Sometimes we wonder why God doesn't show us the future...
could we really handle it if all we have to gauge it by is our past...?
I don't know about you but I am pretty sure I am happy to leave my past behind me...
But with that being said we must leave the past in the past, even the good parts... I always have the memories!
Those will never be erased although some I wish could be...
but at the end of the day when I put my head on my pillow... The best part of it all is that we are not paying for this palace anymore! So there you have it... a little pitty party? NO way... Just brutal honesty and a good dose of it. I can handle the truth with God's help... Can you?
I truly am thankful for our life now... I am just putting this all into perspective... How 'bout you?

18 comments:

Julie said...

I don't think it would be normal to never feel this way. You have had quite a change in your life, even if it was planned, it is still a change. Take care. Spring will come and things will begin looking up.

Sandy said...

I'm feeling very similar so it was good to read you post. We've made a major life change and I'm feeling a little insecure. I know God has a plan and I wish I wasn't so impatient! Thanks for the honest grounding.

Cary at Serenity Farms said...

Thank you for your heartfelt honesty, Angie. It is refreshing and though the weariness shows, so does the determination and faith, bless your heart!

And honestly, all I could think when looking at those photos was "oh my goodness, how in the world would you ever keep up with vacuming the floors?" LOL! Sending hugs and faith that God will continue to renew your heart ;D

Treasures Evermore said...

So nice to see your honesty....you are an inspiration to all of us who read your blog.

I too feel like that many a time...and I have electricity LOL.

Wish I was closer because I would love to give you a hand and help with the laundry:-)

I will be praying that God sustains you...gives you peace...joy...patience....and covers you with his grace, mercy and strength.

Rest only in Him...his yolk is easy and his burden is light (wow, need to talk to myself about that...easy for me to say...need to practice what I preach).

Praying,

Connie

Jamie said...

Wow! What a beautiful home you had! I can see why you'd miss it at times :) With that said, you, your family and your journey are quite inspiring to many of us that struggle in this modern world.

Kelle said...

It makes you human just like the rest of us. Thank you for sharing your memories so candidly.

Somedays( when I'm particularly stressed, sound familiar?) I get the whines and thinking of some of the conviences we've let go. You by and far have let go of all conviences, in one fell swoop, thinking back is bound to happen.

To everything there is a season. :o)
Blessings,
Kelle

mountain mama said...

i totally agree. we've only lived in the mountains managing the lodge for a couple of months...wow...what a change from city life!
but, i wouldn't trade it for anything.
every now and then i do think i'm nuts though! :)
God bless~

Renata said...

Hi Ang
I do think it's normal to look back at things that have been easier & occasionally wonder if we shouldn't have changed them. Goodness I've done that so many times since moving onto the farm, but truthfully we love it here & even though it's darn hard work at times, we know it's where God means for us to be at the moment!
Hope all goes well - I'm praying for you - what a tough couple of weeks.
God bless
Renata:)

Sonja said...

I can see why you call it the "Palace"! I echo the comments of the refreshment of your honesty. Winters can be tough, but I have no doubt that as spring is sprung, and a good dose of comfort from the Lord, you won't be looking back as much, at least until next winter. ;) You're still an inspiration.

Sherry Sutherby http://russ-stickacres.blogspot.com/ said...

I left a brand new Maytag washer behind...I smile as I'm looking at my wringer washer outside the door covered with snow. Good post. I know I can never go back to a "normal" way of life. But the memories are priceless...

Dani said...

Ang

I'm sure you know that there are losses and there are gains - the loss of your beautiful home on the grid, and the natural beauty of your off grid home - the simplicity and the genuine comfort are a perfect trade.

Add to that your precious children - have you ever thought how many people envy you?

To sit and count your blessings, instead of bemoaning your fate - anyone who can honestly do that is richer than even they can imagine :-)

Dani

Connie said...

I would feel exactly the same way Angie....at times. Especially those times that are so trying for us. I still live on grid but it's always been a dream of mine to have a farm like yours...maybe not off grid completely, but closer to living the way God intended us to live - off the land and working side by side with family. All in all, I like your new place better. Look at all you've learned and all the wonderful memories your children will have.

Some of the on grid kids will only have memories of what video games they played when they were 10...yours will remember learning how to do so many things, seeing farm animals being born, and having parents that showed them how to survive off the land.

God Bless you all!

Raising a Brood... said...

What a beautiful place! You know though, your off grid home is beautiful too! You have turned it into a home and are pleasing the Lord with your efforts. You inspire the desire of simple living, for the right reasons. It is only human to want what we don't have, right? Keep on praising God for your life now and the seasons that come with it! It's kind of like every once in awhile when you want a dark, rainy day, just to curl up and feel like reminiscing about what you use to have. Character building...
Blessings~Heather :)

KXJ said...

Wow! You really did live in a palace! It was gorgeous. I also think you live in a palace now too -- and one with a complete kingdom (40 acres) to boot!

I do have to say when I see that big American washer and dryer I find myself really missing them (and I even have little bitty African-size ones here and no kids at home; I can't imagine doing without those with a house full of kids). You're a saint! and inspiration!

Sherry in MI said...

Hi Ang,

As always, I so appreciate your transparency. And how cool that you recognize this situation for what it is. Keep remembering that or Satan will use this opportunity to wedge a little thing called discontent into your heart. Stay strong!

April said...

It was a palace, but what you have now is a palace as well. I don't blame you for having those thoughts-I sometimes (after a one of those struggling days homeschooling and cooking)wonder what it would be like to go back to work full time and be with adults, and have supper ordered and delivered. Then I look at my kids, and realize it is much better now staying home, educating them myself in the Lords way, and being a mom, not a paycheck!

pilgrimscottage said...

We seem to all have moments of thinking back into the past with nostalgia. And, for the future, it's just as well God doesn't let us see into. As for making decisions in life, God is more often than not, nudging us in the direction we are thinking of.

June said...

I am so glad to see this! I have been questioning our (my) sanity since we moved in October...and we're not even off grid. So many questions and anxieties (we're still trying to sell our other house!) yet I was so sure the Lord led us here... I have the same moments though, one at 3:00 a.m. this morning.... hopefully spring will help us all...

all photos and writing on this blog ©Copyright Maple Valley Farms 2008-2011