Friday, March 25, 2011

On becoming 40...

I will never regret, we will never regret, just shy out of 14,600 days on this earth... That we pursued with our heart, soul and mind a call to join the Amish church...
God led us there
and God led us away...

400+ days out of 14,600 of a rich and rewarding life...
We have sad days were we miss this....
But today I can say that I am happy we did not tread farther although it has been bittersweet... 400+ days of 40 years... One of my best years...
A journal entry January 2011: It has been a long time… Has it not?
We brought in 2011 fairly quiet at the farm. We have many exciting things to look forward to this year spiritually, mentally, on the farm and more. I love clean slates don’t you? I do not have too many New Year’s resolutions. Just a few, to live even more simply, love harder than I ever have – even when it’s HARD, getting closer to the Lord and a soul winning goal this year.

I have a feeling that 2011 will bring some changes to our family. I am not sure what yet… I just have a feeling… I want to be willing and ready for all that the Lord has for us here and there. I say this a lot but you should know I truly mean it…

There is not too much to report on the home front. We have found a small local church that we are attending. When we left the Amish church we made a commitment to one another in our family unit to sit out a year from formal church. We knew it could be easy to go where we felt most loved and jump right it as we were pretty lonely at first and very sad… We made a commitment to not say too much publically about our year as an Amish family. Someone gave us some very good advice. They were missionaries in their past. When they got off the plane after being gone from home in a foreign land for a year someone from the missionary board said not to make any conclusions from their year away until they came full circle a year later. This kind missionary couple gave us this same advice. Looking back now it made so much sense. We are glad we honored this advice.

And today, January 3, 2011 I can say without regret that I am so thankful we did not join the Amish church. God is good to babies and fools. No, that is not a verse in the Bible. I am not saying we were foolish as I would live that entire year as an Amish family all over again! I am not saying we were babies to explore this lifestyle. I will say that there was a small touch of both of these in us though. By the grace of God, He led us out of the lifestyle that is idealistic to many. We learned more than ever to depend on our every next move from God with Him telling us what to do next. We learned what living simply actually means – it is going without a lot… Overall, I would still say the Amish lifestyle is about 90% correct! I bet that is closer to what we should all be than what we are living now possibly…

Some days I feel as if we are leaving our ultra-conservative lifestyle a bit. It’s hard to have lived 37 years as we did and not to be pulled back into some of that. We went Christmas shopping at a large local Amish store for some small gifts for the children. I left there crying silently. I cried because of what was gone and I cried for what could have been. I miss the smells, the shy smiles, the melodic language and the naivety. I do not miss the secrets, the pride, the lies and the coldness. Leaving the Amish has been bittersweet for us. But as we come full circle it has become more sweet… Sweeter as the days go by…
In the spirit of farming, family and faith,
HomemakerAng


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