Tuesday, June 28, 2011

On becoming 40... A mother's heart

This year of my 40th is bigger than I had thought. So many changes… Much deep love for my family, farming and faith, and a mother’s heart being torn for the good as changes are here and there…

I sometimes listened to the older and wiser lady on the park bench while watching my little ones playing on the swings. Other times I simply wanted her to be quiet and keep her deep thoughts to herself as I was tiring of the stories other mama’s tried to share with me about how time flies…



And here I sit today, with a knot in my stomach and an ache in my heart trying to remember exactly what that wiser older woman was saying. I wish I had listened better to her… I want to talk to her today… Did she tell me how to deal with this physical ache? What did she do exactly to move past such an exciting but final time?


I do remember the look on many of her faces. Time wrinkled brow, glassy eyes of tears not released but held back, a slight smile as she was remembering the days of little ones in tow as if she was now living in that exact moment while telling me and she drifted away, drifted back to the days…


She was there… She was remembering the smells of a newborn baby cuddled to her breast asleep in her bed and how inadequate she felt to be granted such a privilege to have a sweet baby on loan to her… She was feeling the little pink ears and remarking on how such tiny fingers were fearfully and wonderfully made. She was smelling the cookies she was baking with a helper at her side pressing out the cookie cutter with fat chubby helping hands on a cold winter day with the radio softly playing in the background. She was walking the daily walk and pushing a stroller to her PO box to get the mail and telling of all the wild flowers and Michigan birds along the way in her small town. She was feeling a heart so full that she could not begin to share a lot of it... She was taking sheets of the line to dress the beds after a long day outside and a nice warm bath to clean children’s feet and nestling them in bed on a clean cotton sheet after a bedtime snack. She was remembering how the lights went on for her little girl as she taught her how to read with her little pointer finger… She was singing the hymns with her child that she would sing throughout the sometimes very long days and nights that then seemed to run together. She was remembering that the best memories she remembers first were during some of the hardest financial times but she was surprised of how wonderful the memories with her child were. She was thanking GOD for the last 3 years of bringing her children safely to her and stepping away from the world and having Daddy home working on the farm in a day and age where many said it couldn't’t be done. She was remembering what they did together that almost was impossible, that it was the hardest thing they had ever done as a family but how she is so happy she had this last time as a 100% family unit together… She was thanking her Lord how He always was driving this thing...



She is praising God for the beautiful young woman her daughter has become. She is praying for God’s continued blessing on her life as she starts slowly leaving her little nest…


Now I know how she dealt with the ache... She tells every other young mother she sees at every chance she gets: “Time does not stand still”, “Time truly slips away”, “Make the most of every day with your family”, “You can never get today back”, “Don’t have any regrets”, “Follow God for your family and bring them to your sides and take a huge dump on what this world distractingly has to offer you”… “Run mother, run and nestle your babies close because time truly goes to fast" and "listen to what I am saying to you"...
And now I am she…
HomemakerAng


June 28, 2011




16 comments:

Kim said...

Oh so true...

Though states apart my heartstrings are now touching yours.

Kim in Ky.

KXJ said...

This totally made me tear up! I can't believe my kids are 24, 22 and 19!

mountain mama said...

love it! altough i'm not sure 40 classifies as being old! =)

Cary at Serenity Farms said...

Angie, Bless you ~ I am sitting here sobbing with an aching heart reading your "oh-so-true" words. Thank you for sharing them, dear Friend

By the way, it isn't any easier when you become a grandma...I think grandbabies grow even faster than babies! Big hugs to you.

Treasures Evermore said...

Amen Sister. Those days they are so fleeting. I cannot imagine being an "empty nester" right now...and that is exactly where I would be if we hadn't adopted our last four. My youngest bio is almost 21...and now my youngest (so far) is eleven.

God knew I was not ready for my nest to be empty.

My MIL was the same...she suffered from terrible depression for about three years. She had no idea why...every Dr. had no idea why she was in bed sick all the time. Finally one doctor looked her straight in the eye and said..."you need to have another baby"...and so she did.

I am now privileged to be married to that "baby". She was 45 years old. Her depression ended. She was also not ready for all her children to be leaving and getting married. My dh's next sibling is 17 years older and he truly is the baby of the family. God has blessed her for all her prayers and love she has poured into her family.

And now here I am a grandma as well. My heart aches at the thought....but who knows how many more children God is going to give us through adoption...as we are praying about two little ones at this time.

So maybe it's time to have another baby LOL....at least that is what my MIL would tell you {smile}...(and she will be celebrating her 94th birthday in a couple of weeks).

Blessing and many hugs sent your way.

Connie

Blessed at Home said...

Oh Blessings of Christ's Love to you! I have had two daughters now fly the Nest......simply can't believe it!

Hugs & Blessings to you!

Ann at eightacresofeden said...

We are so on the same page Ang. Your heart expressed here echoes my last post about motherhood which I entitled 'Don't Miss the Moments.' which is about how I came to realize that I needed to be there - in the home. I'm just about to write the follow up post which is about how easy it is to become a distracted mother even when we are present in the home and also miss out on those moments.

Oh and this is for you - from the poem I wrote many years ago for a mother who was turning 40.....the first verse is
'Life begins at 40 that's how the saying goes. You hoped to keep this birthday quiet but now everybody knows!

And the last verse...
'Life doesn't just begin at 40
It happens each new day
For each day is an opportunity
For God to have His way.'

If I can recall the rest of the verses I will send them to you!

Happy Days said...

Oh my goodness Angie, at 63 I am she also. But sitting on my park bench watching my grandchildren grow up, tugs at my heartstrings, I tear up reading your words. It all starts again being a Grandma. Only time goes by faster...debbie

Bobbi Jo said...

I too teared up at this post. I only have one that is out of the nest at this time and 4 left at home. Time does go WAY too fast. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Donna OShaughnessy said...

Wonderful post. I am mommy of 4 all grown and Yaya to 3 grandkids. I watch them sleep whenever I can because I know when they wake up...they will be adults too.

Sherry in MI said...

You are so right. Each summer I get calls from other law firms asking me to cover vacations. Yes, we need the $ and yes, I should take advantage of those opportunities for extra work, but this year I thought to myself - No, I just can't do it. The kids are 11, 13, 15 and 16 and if I'm not here for them to talk to they will find somebody else. So we buckle down a little more and enjoy these few years left with them at home. I will have no regrets.

Ann said...

Dear Daughter,
I was the mom watching you board an airplane to NY to take you to become a nanny when you were 18 1/2. Your dad couldn't come to the airport as he was so emotional and I cried all the way home. It was a growing stretch for your dad and I. And then one by one your brothers left. Then later God provided all of our wonderful grandchildren. And when looking on their beautiful faces we saw our children that we had raised. And now the first precious granddaughter is getting ready to fly the nest. God will again provide the comfort for you and us. But yes, where does the time go? It is fleeting and you just want to hang on to them. Praying God's comfort for you.
Love,
Your Momma

Tonya said...

I will listen to you lady on the park bench, I am that young one with three little ones in my care and I am weeping as I read your words, then stumble upon the words of your mother.... I will pull my children to my side today and love them and teach them as the Lord intended. Us young ones need more women like you to glean wisdom from. Dont stop sharing, you encourage more than you know.

the vrugginks said...

good grief..i only had a lump in my throat until i read your mom's post...then i cried! no regrets with the life we're living...i am blessed to be a stay-at-home mom...and know you guys are doing an incredible job raising your family :) hugs!

Texas Mom said...

I enjoyed this humble post~it truly softens you!!

Congratulations on your daughter's graduation!

Renata said...

Beautiful Ang
Thank you for sharing your heart! I know the time sure does fly - my youngest babies are 5 already & although we are praying & praying for more, I don't know if God will ever grant that request - even so it has taught me to cling to these precious times.
Thanks for the reminder

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